Me, just as I am
This season in my life, just as it is
My relationships, just as they are
My joy, my suffering
My triumphs, my failures
Each new beginning and every ending
Circle of life
Ebbs and flows
Clarity and ambiguity
Light and dark
Ying and yang
Nonjudgmentally accepting life
Taking a step back
Observing instead of being pushed and pulled
Intentionally deciding to let go of attachment
Trusting the process and living in the present moment
Author: Renee Dimino
When I think about the role of acceptance in my life, it usually concerns people, situations, or events over which I have little to no control and the practice of allowing them and my emotions about them simply to be. Because learning to accept challenges in our lives is good inner and outer work and a necessary life skill when facing loss, grief, and change, there are countless resources and supports to help us learn how to do so. Tara Brach’s book, Radical Acceptance, and the entire field of Change Management immediately come to mind.
But, the part of acceptance that often gets short-changed, and the part I have found particularly challenging, is learning how to recognize and accept the good things that life brings. We see this phenomenon a lot with successful and driven people who often have difficulty accepting help, compliments, and/or success, so let’s take a brief look at each area.
Do you find it difficult to accept the good things in life? Are there additional areas or strategies you can offer? We’d love to hear from you in the comments.
Author: Terry Shamblin
What if we collected connections?
Waving to a stranger, eyes meeting for a moment
Celebrating accomplishments with genuine enthusiasm
Giving pets and receiving wags and wet kisses from four legged friends
Drinking coffee with a friend on the porch as the morning sun shines
Sending funny reels to someone in the same room, anticipating laughter
Reaching out to someone suffering to offer support
Listening to hard news, just being there
Asking “How was your day?” and really wanting to know the answer
Forgetting to look at our phone so caught up in conversation
Greeting a loved one with a six second hug
Honoring these moments as sacred and storing them in our hearts
Feel free to share your thoughts. We'd love to hear what you think about collecting connections.
Author: Renee Dimino
Let’s take some time today to come together to acknowledge the rainbow range of humanity enriching our lives and celebrate them with grateful and compassionate hearts.
Please take a moment or two to settle into a meditative posture that’s comfortable for you, deepening your breath and arriving in this space. Relax your face, softening your brow, unclenching your jaw, letting your tongue pool onto the bottom of your mouth as you open your lips and drop your chin down a bit. When you feel ready, close your eyes or take a soft gaze.
Let your shoulders fall down away from your ears, then soften your arms, hands, chest, back, and belly, settling in even deeper.
If it feels right for you to do so, place one or both hands over your heart. Breathe in and feel your heart. Breathe out.
Breathe in and out at your own pace, imagining your heart beating in colors: Red beats, and orange. Boom boom, boom boom. Yellow heartbeats, and green. Boom boom, boom boom. Blue beats, and purple. Boom boom, boom boom, boom boom. Pink beats, and indigo. Breathing in and out all the hues of your beating, loving heart. Boom boom, boom boom, boom boom.
Now, as we continue breathing rainbow breaths, let’s each bring into our mind’s eye an image of someone we love without effort, perhaps one of our blameless babies, empathetic elders, patient pets, or faithful friends. Hold them in your heart and mind, and thank them for enriching your life by casting their glittery glow across its every facet.
Let us honor these bright beings and wish them well with words of lovingkindness:
May they be happy, healthy, and whole.
May they know tenderness, warmth, and grace.
May they always feel loved and accepted
As their lights shine compassion on our communities.
Releasing the image of that person, let’s move across this color arc and bring into our mind’s eye the lovely people we interact with on a daily basis, perhaps in our homes or workplaces, our supportive spouses, pride-filled parents, or collegial colleagues. Holding them in your heart and mind, thank those whose pretty palettes paint our days brighter with their presence and rapport.
Let us recognize these benevolent beings and wish them well with words of lovingkindness:
May they be happy, healthy, and whole.
May they know tenderness, warmth, and grace.
May they always feel loved and accepted
As their lights shine compassion on our communities.
Now let’s move to the apex of the rainbow to encompass the many people we don’t really know but who have nevertheless helped us out in ways great and small. In gratitude for the sweeping shine of their thoughtful responsiveness, we salute the sacrifice of soldiers, the solicitousness of servers, the dedication of doctors, and the goodwill ambassadors who smile as they open doors for strangers or offer friendliness and fellowship instead of fueling foolish fires.
Let us commend these kind souls and wish them well with words of lovingkindness:
May they be happy, healthy, and whole.
May they know tenderness, warmth, and grace.
May they always feel loved and accepted
As their lights shine compassion on our communities.
Now let us move to the backside of the rainbow and consider ourselves as essential components of this loving friendliness creation. One by one we came together in community today, and by doing so, we spanned the reach of our individual realms. Through our practice of Metta, we are doing what we can to color the collective in the care and courage required to realize communal compassion for all.
Holding our group in our hearts and minds and feeling the strength of our combined presence as we gather, we thank each other for meditating together and send out positive intentions for the highest good of all.
Let us warm our heats with mutual regard and wish ourselves well with words of lovingkindness:
May we be happy, healthy, and whole.
May we know tenderness, warmth, and grace.
May we always feel loved and accepted
As our lights shine compassion on our communities.
Finally, as we return once again to our rainbow breath, let’s bring into our mind’s eye the entire prism of humanity, encompassing all people from all places everywhere.
Visualize this colorful band of characters holding hands across our rainbow, and notice how some spread joy while others sow dissent; some thrive when others struggle; where there is health, sickness; happiness, sorrow; noise, silence. Yet, every single person wants and deserves to receive the powerful promises contained in these warm-hearted wishes for their well-being.
Let us release our hold on our rainbow breathing, rejoice in our shared humanity, and wish the whole world well with words of lovingkindness:
May all people everywhere be happy, healthy, and whole.
May they know tenderness, warmth, and grace.
May they always feel loved and accepted
And lights of compassion shine on their communities.
And so it is.
When you are ready, release your hands from your heart if that’s where you had them, and slowly open your eyes if you had them closed. Begin to introduce some gentle movement back into your body, perhaps some gentle stretching or self-massage. Take your time and ease your way back into the present moment.
Would anyone care to share about today’s Metta meditation practice for cultivating compassion? We’d love to hear from you!
Author: Terry Shamblin
Slowing down
Coming to stillness
Focusing on the breath
I sense my body in space
I am reminded to be grateful
For this life
For this moment
For this body
For this breath
Looking inward, I ask my heart
Are you happy? Are you heavy?
What is uplifting you or weighing you down?
If I am still enough, I can hear the quiet inner voice
A vulnerable voice that can be fleeting
It is easily washed over with the sounds of everyday living
Other times this voice comes to my while brushing my teeth
or as I am hurriedly packing up to leave for the day
Its only requirement is my willingness to pause and listen
Most often, it calls to me, remember what’s important
Don’t forget to love
Show gratitude
Slow down
This inner wisdom is a guide to my heart’s intentions
if I am aware enough to notice
Mindful enough to recognize what’s within me
Author: Renee Dimino
Although she’s really calmed down since I started my mindfulness journey, my inner critic is always with me waiting for an opportunity to crush my joy, and I notice she does so especially well when I shift into autopilot instead of driving my life from a place of awareness and self-compassion. Luckily, there are tools I can use for those times when she undermines my confidence and affects my comportment.
One thing that has helped me is knowing I don’t have to believe what my inner critic says, and, as Katie Byron suggests, I can just ask myself, is it true? Is it really true? As I seek out evidence to the contrary of my inner critic’s lies, I usually discover that most of her criticisms are in fact not true, and whether those harsh statements are true or not, I’m grateful to have discovered some strategies to address my inner critic in ways that build me up instead of breaking me down. One such strategy is investigating the root causes of the criticism with curiosity and kindness.
Lisa Sun, successful business owner and author of Gravitas: The Eight Strengths that Redefine Confidence, identifies the following six forces that form the basis of our inner critics and hold us back from being fully confident:
Just being aware of these causes and identifying which ones might be at play during each incident of inner criticism provides insight and weakens their hold on us. Sun says she addresses this negative self-talk by asking her clients three key questions:
Answering those seemingly simple questions is challenging, yet empowering, in part because we’re focusing on the good. By choosing to put our attention there instead of on negative self-talk, we’re growing our confidence.
In her book Sun writes, “Self-confidence is a choice and a mindset before it becomes a behavior,” and she lists eight superpowers that underpin positive self-belief, what she calls our confidence language:
I took the quiz found in Chapter 3 of Sun’s book and also available for free at myconfidencelanguage.com, and it’s true what she says: If we discover our strengths and take the time to connect our superpowers to the specific events in our lives, we “expand the concentric circles of our lives,” feel “more courageous, compassionate, and connected,” and are able to carry ourselves with dignity and poise.
Although it’s not always easy work to quiet our inner critic, there are many useful strategies we can try. I’ve found Sun’s suggestions and superpowers to be a natural complement to Amy Cuddy’s recommendation of power posing and Mel Robbins’ daily advice to create a “high-five habit.” Yes, I actually do sometimes stand like Superwoman, and I give myself a high five in the bathroom mirror almost every morning. Those strategies, in addition to reframing harsh statements, focusing on my strengths, and practicing daily mindfulness and meditation, have enabled me to quiet the inner critic and show up in my life with greater presence and confidence.
Connect with us in the comments to share your victories with replacing negative self-talk, identifying superpowers, or building confidence and presence. We’d love to hear from you.
Author: Terry Shamblin
A Meditation
Go ahead and get into a comfortable position
Relax your eyes, your jaw, your neck, and your shoulders
Notice where your body makes contact with the chair and ground and feel the connection and support
As we move into our meditation, let’s give ourselves a moment to arrive by taking three deep breaths
Now, let’s take some time to let go of the year we just experienced
With gratitude, with loving kindness, with honor, with acceptance, and with non-judgment
(5 deep breaths)
We look upon this last year with gratitude
Thank you for all your blessings
For the new beginnings and endings, both expected and unexpected
For the new opportunities and lessons learned
For the new people in our lives and our ongoing relationships
As we look upon the last year with gratitude, we take a moment to release the past year by honoring it with thankfulness and letting it go
(5 deep breaths)
We look upon this last year with loving kindness
Thank you for the opportunity to nurture ourselves and those around us
For ourselves, we look back through the lens of self compassion, we nurture ourselves knowing we did the best we could
For those easy to love, we are thankful for the joy they brought us
For those whose lives crossed ours just briefly, we honor the light within them and wish them well
For those we found difficult to love, we are thankful for the lessons and our ability to hold ourselves in self compassion
As we look upon the past year with loving kindness, we take a moment to release – what was – by honoring it with loving kindness and letting it go
(5 deep breaths)
We look back on the past year with a sense of honor
We honor the time we spent on our own growth and self care
We honor that we did the best we could with what we knew
We honor the transitions we experienced – the good and the challenging
We honor the light within each of us and how we protected and nurtured our light and the light in others this past year
As we look upon this past year, we take a moment to release it by honoring it and letting it go
(5 deep breaths)
We look upon this last year with acceptance
We look to accept the changes in our lives
Changes in our relationships, our energy, our finances, our careers, our health, our minds, our connections
As we look upon this past year with acceptance, we take a moment to release it by honoring it, accepting it, and letting it go
(5 deep breaths)
We look upon this past year with non-judgment
We were not our thoughts, we were the being experiencing those thoughts
Witnessing, we see ourselves laughing, crying, living
It was what it was
We look back as an observer, non-judgmentally
We recognize the difference between what happened, and the stories we told ourselves about what happened
We non-judgmentally accept this past year and honor it with grace and gratitude
As we look upon this past year non-judgmentally, we take a moment to release it by honoring it and letting it go
(5 deep breaths)
We have looked back on this past year with gratitude, with loving kindness, with honor, with acceptance, and with non-judgment
Let’s take another moment to release the past year and let go of anything else that no longer serves us
(5 deep breaths)
Author: Renee Dimino
We are all grains of sand
passing through the neck of an hourglass
flowing across time.
Honoring our centers, we flow like grains of sand.
We are all flocks of birds
migrating across open and stormy skies
following new and ancient pathways.
Cultivating minds like sky, we become grounded and free.
We are all laughing children
pushing up then down on a see-saw
enjoying fleeting moments of parallel balance.
Free-falling and then rising, we laugh and play like children.
We are all boats on a lake
bobbing on waves
sailing away from and back to the shore.
Flowing along with the current, we anchor in moments of stillness.
We are all specialty ingredients
melding into a nutritious soup
simmering on our stoves.
Recognizing our shared humanity, we nourish ourselves and others.
We are all an ecosystem
collaborating together to survive, live, and thrive
dedicating time for community and introspection.
Living together and separately, we help each other and ourselves.
We are all musicians
playing instruments and singing songs
blending our melodies to create harmony.
Finding our music under the noise, we uncover symphonies.
We are all a force of nature
balancing gravity’s pull with the
floating weightlessness of space.
Inviting in spacious awareness, we become present here now.
Author: Terry Shamblin
sometimes it arises as naturally as the sun at dawn there is no planning I just find myself there in flow I slip into it without even realizing I found my way other times flow is like flickering light fleeting along a path flow is hesitant I am not able to find myself in its state instead, I consciously feel each step then somehow, I find flow and am able to escape into its stream other times there are blockages all around me I try to capture it, cajole it - but nothing starting helps - moves me in the right direction I know better than to wait for fickle inspiration yet I wonder how flow comes and goes I meditate or play soft music I walk or try to rest yet it is still elusive my mind like raging rapids I look to water for answers water moves so effortlessly over rocks and between passages and yet water too can be dammed up unable to escape and still water persists finds its way to transformation like water I plan to persist to continue to seek out flow because when I find it I feel so alive Author: Renee Dimino
Over the course of our mindfulness journey together, Renee and I have learned so many useful life lessons that we keep a running list of them in our business files. Revisiting that list reminds me of how far we’ve come and guides me in times of indecision. Some of these pearls of wisdom have been so beneficial to our lives that they’ve become hard wired into our psyche, and the following six lessons are so integral to my well-being that I’ve come to think of them as a comprehensive process for mindful decision-making.
This is the lesson that has helped the most, especially at work. When a meeting invitation conflicts with an established doctor, dentist, or even hair appointment, my default now is simply to stick to the plan and decline the new invitation. It’s so much easier to honor an existing obligation than to tie myself in knots trying to make other people happy. Of course, there are the occasional situations where it’s not possible to stick to the plan, so what should I do next?
As a recovering people-pleaser, the word should has little to no use in my life anymore, so this isn’t really a step as much as it is a reminder that choosing to make decisions in light of what’s best for me and my current situation, rather than what I think others feel I should do, is how I decide things now. Dropping should from my vocabulary demonstrates I’m approaching my life free from the harmful judgments of myself and others and continuing to practice self-compassion.
In most cases the best way to move forward is to take the action that most aligns with my values and serves the highest good of all. Some quick questions focused around my personal code of conduct can easily help me identify the best first step: Will this action help–or at least not harm–anyone, especially my family? Is this move I’m considering fair, kind, just, and compassionate? Will it somehow make the world a better place, even if it’s just my little corner of it? When I frame my decision-making around taking principled action, finding the next right thing to do isn’t that hard and doesn’t actually take that long.
This is the stage where I double-check my motivation. Am I taking this action out of love or out of fear? Do I want to move things forward in a positive way, or am I simply trying to avoid something new and scary? Am I motivated to do something because it’s moving me closer to the things, ideas, people, and places I love or because I’m scared of what I may lose if I don’t? And because doing nothing is also a choice, I ask myself, am I choosing not to act because I love the status quo, or am I staying stagnant because I’m afraid to feel the unmoored sense of discomfort that temporarily comes with any kind of change?
In most cases, if we just stop, pause, and tune into our bodies, we will know if a decision is right or wrong for us. When something isn’t a good match with her or causes a sense of anger, Renee gets hot, and when I’m about to choose unwisely, my stomach clenches in the tightness I now recognize as anxiety or misalignment. On the other hand, when a choice truly resonates with me, I’m blessed with a lightness of being, a peace that spreads across my heart, an optimistic bias toward action and flow, and an inner knowing that reassures me I’ve chosen the best fit for me given my current context.
Once I’ve made my decision and mapped out whatever action steps are necessary to put things in motion, I don’t waste my time and energy worrying, second guessing myself, or wondering about what could’ve been had I chosen differently. No, there’s no vacillating once I’ve committed to an aligned action, checked in with my physical and emotional bodies, and come full circle. Now I plan to stick to the plan and trust that everything will work out well. Once the choice has been made, I do what Wendell Berry recommends in his beautiful poem, “The Peace of Wild Things” and find peace by refusing to “tax [my life] with forethought of grief.”
Connect with us to share some lessons you’ve learned or processes you follow to make more mindful decisions. We’d love to hear from you!
Author: Terry Shamblin
Mindful Life Connections