Over the course of our mindfulness journey together, Renee and I have learned so many useful life lessons that we keep a running list of them in our business files. Revisiting that list reminds me of how far we’ve come and guides me in times of indecision. Some of these pearls of wisdom have been so beneficial to our lives that they’ve become hard wired into our psyche, and the following six lessons are so integral to my well-being that I’ve come to think of them as a comprehensive process for mindful decision-making.
- Stick to the plan
This is the lesson that has helped the most, especially at work. When a meeting invitation conflicts with an established doctor, dentist, or even hair appointment, my default now is simply to stick to the plan and decline the new invitation. It’s so much easier to honor an existing obligation than to tie myself in knots trying to make other people happy. Of course, there are the occasional situations where it’s not possible to stick to the plan, so what should I do next?
- Drop the word should
As a recovering people-pleaser, the word should has little to no use in my life anymore, so this isn’t really a step as much as it is a reminder that choosing to make decisions in light of what’s best for me and my current situation, rather than what I think others feel I should do, is how I decide things now. Dropping should from my vocabulary demonstrates I’m approaching my life free from the harmful judgments of myself and others and continuing to practice self-compassion.
- Do the next right thing or take the best first step
In most cases the best way to move forward is to take the action that most aligns with my values and serves the highest good of all. Some quick questions focused around my personal code of conduct can easily help me identify the best first step: Will this action help–or at least not harm–anyone, especially my family? Is this move I’m considering fair, kind, just, and compassionate? Will it somehow make the world a better place, even if it’s just my little corner of it? When I frame my decision-making around taking principled action, finding the next right thing to do isn’t that hard and doesn’t actually take that long.
- Choose love over fear
This is the stage where I double-check my motivation. Am I taking this action out of love or out of fear? Do I want to move things forward in a positive way, or am I simply trying to avoid something new and scary? Am I motivated to do something because it’s moving me closer to the things, ideas, people, and places I love or because I’m scared of what I may lose if I don’t? And because doing nothing is also a choice, I ask myself, am I choosing not to act because I love the status quo, or am I staying stagnant because I’m afraid to feel the unmoored sense of discomfort that temporarily comes with any kind of change?
- Pay attention to what my body is telling me
In most cases, if we just stop, pause, and tune into our bodies, we will know if a decision is right or wrong for us. When something isn’t a good match with her or causes a sense of anger, Renee gets hot, and when I’m about to choose unwisely, my stomach clenches in the tightness I now recognize as anxiety or misalignment. On the other hand, when a choice truly resonates with me, I’m blessed with a lightness of being, a peace that spreads across my heart, an optimistic bias toward action and flow, and an inner knowing that reassures me I’ve chosen the best fit for me given my current context.
- Don’t tax my life with forethought of grief
Once I’ve made my decision and mapped out whatever action steps are necessary to put things in motion, I don’t waste my time and energy worrying, second guessing myself, or wondering about what could’ve been had I chosen differently. No, there’s no vacillating once I’ve committed to an aligned action, checked in with my physical and emotional bodies, and come full circle. Now I plan to stick to the plan and trust that everything will work out well. Once the choice has been made, I do what Wendell Berry recommends in his beautiful poem, “The Peace of Wild Things” and find peace by refusing to “tax [my life] with forethought of grief.”
Connect with us to share some lessons you’ve learned or processes you follow to make more mindful decisions. We’d love to hear from you!
Author: Terry Shamblin
Mindful Life Connections 